HAVE YOU UNINTENTIONALLY CAUSED A DEATH?

 

John W. Reiman, Ph.D., Unintentional Death Re-Visioning (UDRV)*

*Not a substitute for mental health services, if needed (see FAQ)

 

You are Not Alone

  • For the approximately 20,000 people (in the U.S. alone) who each year have unintentionally caused a death, little information or professional support is available. The resulting sense of isolation and lack of capable guidance around how to heal and move forward has complicated recovery from this traumatic event. Fortunately, resources (informational and supportive) have begun to emerge.

 

Who I Am

  • I have over 30 years of professional experience directly supporting the immediate post-trauma stabilization and long-term recovery and healing of individuals from all walks of life. I am a very human being, dedicated to being skillfully present with individuals in pain. My familiarity with the recovery process of individuals who have unintentionally caused a death began over 45 years ago, after an 8-year-old boy ran in front of the car of a close family member (Dr. Maryann Jacobi Gray, Founder of accidentalimpacts.org) and was killed. 

 

 My Working Assumptions

  • Who you are is an essentially good human being (even as you may disagree).
  • What you did was to unintentionally cause a death.
  • You may confuse or conflate who you are and what you did.
  • The event/death is an irrefutable reality and a fact that no one wants, and is continuously painful for others and for you.  
  • You can learn to heal and give your life permission to move productively forward.
  • There is no ‘right way’ to move through your experience. You cannot do it incorrectly. 
  • Adjusting to your experience will be a long-term, continuing, growing, and productive process. This reality is counter to unhelpful messages from others and (often) to self, to “get over it’ and stamp it ‘done.’

 

What is Unintentional Death Re-Visioning (UDRV)?

  • Just as the body knows how to scab and heal a cut and to return our temperature to normal after a fever, the body-mind knows how to re-stabilize itself after an emotional injury. UDRV is an customizable, practical, emotional education curriculum designed to facilitate post-incident (short- and long-term) re-balancing for adults (over age 18). Most importantly, UDRV centers on a professional relationship in which I (in a manner targeted to experiences common among those who have unintentionally caused a death) serve as a compassionate, informed, skilled and experienced guide with you on the post-incident recovery path. The relationship, as I always explain at the outset, is based on a sincere and time-tested invitation to each person with whom I work: “ALL OF YOU (whatever you’ve got, including the parts that you don’t like or want) IS WELCOME HERE. 
  • Though in the short-term, UDRV work may be scheduled at weekly or bi-weekly intervals if needed (and perhaps be intermittently available for periodic future support) – it is not intended to  supplant longer term assistance (e.g. mental health assessment and treatment), if needed.

 

What You Can Expect in Working With Me

  • We will begin by working toward fully accepting the fact that this has happened. THIS DOES NOT IN ANY WAY MEAN THAT YOU ARE OK WITH IT. We do this because rejecting the fact (even in subtle ways) that this has happened (resisting acceptance of ‘what is’), makes the pain so much heavier. 
  • You will learn how to safely feel what you feel and practice strategies for living in the presence of pain for which there is no immediate solution (i.e., Where/how today, can I offer myself even the tiniest bit of ease, mercy, compassion, or kindness within or around my experience, just exactly as it is.)
  • You will learn to skillfully navigate personal, family, and professional relationships and their advice (“You should just . . .,” “Why don’t you . . .”)  which, while likely well-meaning, is often exhausting and unhelpful. 
  • You will acquire skill in recognizing and and defusing the stories you tell yourself, and listening to and trusting your own wisdom and intuition (even if you cannot presently locate it) to help navigate your path. 

 

How I Work

  • All appointments are delivered on-line using a secure, encrypted, user-friendly platform.
  • Scheduling is subject to available openings.
  • Sliding scale when available for $100/hour fee – not insurance-billable.
  • Strict confidentiality is maintained, with the exception of any information required to be disclosed by law.
  • References are available upon request. 

 

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